JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
