I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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