Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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