Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize