Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
