cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
