Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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