you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
