We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
