"it" just moved
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
