I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
