The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
