Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
