A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
