and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
