Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
