yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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