he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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