Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize