Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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