I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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