dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
