end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
