she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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