i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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