Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
