I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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