Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize