Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
