Kareoke will never be a sober sport
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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