I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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