i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
