that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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