A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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