I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
