don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
