Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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