were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
