I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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