Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
