How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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