You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
