I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
