Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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