I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
