So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
