it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
