He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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