Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
