sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
