After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
