we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
