Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize