My liver just broke up with me...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
