Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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