my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
