Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
