Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
