I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize