I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
