if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
