I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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